The first one ...

Dunno what i'm feeling right now .... a little weird ... just took the GRE . In the sense that i had three full months to prepare for it , i literally bombed it . On the other hand , with the kinda preparation i had , i did pretty good . I distinctly remember feeling a little queasy during the exam thinking i could've aced this if i had studied at all . What really bothers me is that this isn't a one-off , rather its the story of my life . Its a trend picked up a long time ago . i think one reason i can't shake this habit is that i kinda feel a weird sense of pride and genuineness taking an exam without preparation . Or lets say minimal preparation . Seems more challenging to some stupid corner of my brain . and somehow getting a half decent score like this gives a bigger thrill than acing a thoroughly prepared exam .

But lets chuck that . it was an eventful day , talked to a lot of people back home . it was aditi's birhtday . called vinnie cuz i was soooo excited about managing to get a score in her vicinity . ( i did have a little bit of a doubt about managing that going into the exam ) . Called Dips .

Then searched the net for good colleges and got depressed .... there's so much i don't know yet . I dunno what i'm doing in this field . i'll never ever be a true blue computer geek . i'm good but i just am not fascinated or interested enuf to be grrreeaaat at it . Thats never happening . Thinking of that really makes me nervous . Dunno where i''ll be in 5 years . I so didn't want to be here , living a mediocre life in mediocre surroundings and worst of all with mediocre aspirations . That was never a goal , but more and more it seems to be turning out that way . i think i know how 99% of the 6 billion people get to leading mediocre lives .... i hate the idea of joining the ranks . Yeah yeah yeah i've heard that "we're all special in our own ways" crap a million times but when you get down to it .... it doesn't count one little bit . You're either up there or you ain't ..... n i hate to admit that i'm heading towards the latter .

Comments

Author: Furor said…
glad you understand . But i really couldn't care less about the money . the greatest satisfaction will come only when i get the feeling that i belong to that place . When i feel inside that i make a difference and that i'm not a phoney trying to show i know more than i do . Which is exactly the kind of feeling i get sometimes . I really really wanna KNOW , if you know what i mean . n hey there;'s something regarding this i've been meaning to discuss with you ... remind me the next time we talk ok ??
Tue Sep 14, 12:09:00 AM EDT
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