The first one ...

Dunno what i'm feeling right now .... a little weird ... just took the GRE . In the sense that i had three full months to prepare for it , i literally bombed it . On the other hand , with the kinda preparation i had , i did pretty good . I distinctly remember feeling a little queasy during the exam thinking i could've aced this if i had studied at all . What really bothers me is that this isn't a one-off , rather its the story of my life . Its a trend picked up a long time ago . i think one reason i can't shake this habit is that i kinda feel a weird sense of pride and genuineness taking an exam without preparation . Or lets say minimal preparation . Seems more challenging to some stupid corner of my brain . and somehow getting a half decent score like this gives a bigger thrill than acing a thoroughly prepared exam .

But lets chuck that . it was an eventful day , talked to a lot of people back home . it was aditi's birhtday . called vinnie cuz i was soooo excited about managing to get a score in her vicinity . ( i did have a little bit of a doubt about managing that going into the exam ) . Called Dips .

Then searched the net for good colleges and got depressed .... there's so much i don't know yet . I dunno what i'm doing in this field . i'll never ever be a true blue computer geek . i'm good but i just am not fascinated or interested enuf to be grrreeaaat at it . Thats never happening . Thinking of that really makes me nervous . Dunno where i''ll be in 5 years . I so didn't want to be here , living a mediocre life in mediocre surroundings and worst of all with mediocre aspirations . That was never a goal , but more and more it seems to be turning out that way . i think i know how 99% of the 6 billion people get to leading mediocre lives .... i hate the idea of joining the ranks . Yeah yeah yeah i've heard that "we're all special in our own ways" crap a million times but when you get down to it .... it doesn't count one little bit . You're either up there or you ain't ..... n i hate to admit that i'm heading towards the latter .

Comments

Beatrice said…
oh god my feelings KP, exactly!true blue comp professional, great money, up there!gawd!neway itll all come, in good time, it will!
love
vinnie
Beatrice said…
N hey good going..ur blog will b a faithful friend..just the way I am :)
good luck for everything in ur life
vinnie
furor said…
glad you understand . But i really couldn't care less about the money . the greatest satisfaction will come only when i get the feeling that i belong to that place . When i feel inside that i make a difference and that i'm not a phoney trying to show i know more than i do . Which is exactly the kind of feeling i get sometimes . I really really wanna KNOW , if you know what i mean . n hey there;'s something regarding this i've been meaning to discuss with you ... remind me the next time we talk ok ??

Popular posts from this blog

Are you selling yourself short?

kissing the rain ...

Blame the damn cops for everything