Right down the middle ....

Twenty something years of student life have just started to show a slight hint of ending somewhere down the line and the real world seems to loom larger by the day . So what kind of a life do i want for myself ? This stream of thought has been knocking around in this head for a while but hasnt taken a concrete form till now and in that it's atleast 5 years too late . Going into "better late than never" crap might be appropriate at this moment but lets just dispense with that and get on with the real stuff . So exactly WHAT kinda life do i see myself leading ?

Ok lets back track for a moment , lets go to the question : " What kinda life do i want ? " , because that needs to be clear before anything else . Ok i've kinda never been able to define any substantial and definitive set of parameters to base that decision on . I mean , i havent been able to find a set of variables whose degrees could help define the different lifestyles from which i must decide . i've had too many contradictory views of how i wanna lead my life , hence the title .
But as i see it today , a major part of me wants a simple , comfortable life , away from too much pressure and time consuming activities . This one seems to think the ideal life is one thats spent among loved ones and friends , being there for them , enjoying the moment , sharing thoughts and being content in the bliss of their company . Money is a relative non-issue that is earned primarily to achieve a level of comfort that allows this kinda life .

Another part of me though , thinks i owe it to myself and to society to make the maximum effort to contribute to it . It thinks , life loses its meaning without professional AND social achievment . So much so that this part of me defines life based on actions done and goals achieved . It considers the other , simplistic approach hedonistic and utterly a mere existence . This part of me cannot comprehend how the thought of simply existing among loved ones and then passing away one day can appeal to me at all . Its a really ambitious side of me . It believes i must do all i can to achieve greatness and not just exist and die like everyone else . The more emotional , simple me counters that a life passed away amassing fake honors and awards is not living at all . According to it , life in its essence is loving other people , having special relations and memories . To this part , the idea of running behind success and achievement all your life is basically losing out on living itself .

Both these parts of me pose strong arguments , ones i cannot counter completely . Its a split ... right down the middle . If i look at it closely enough , both the arguments make complete sense and both are totally senseless . A life spent simply achieving is one of hollow successes and one spent primarily flowing with the tide is one of mediocre survival and lacks a certain dignity that i cherish .

Obviously , the right answer lies in the middle somewhere , a balance between a career and personal life , but how many of us manage to achieve that ? Don't we make career decisions everyday that separate us from loved ones and consume an obscene amount of time , leaving us with precious little for living . The fact is , we hardly make decisions that give the due importance to personal life over our careers . And everytime we give the careers importance over loved ones , doesn't the balance move towards following achievement ? Over the span of a career , the balance gets so skewed that most people realise , they never lived life . Thats when the proverbial realtity check occurs and the ugly truth manifests itself . It cannot be an enjoyable moment in time to realise your whole life was hollow , it had no substance to it . I desperately want to avoid that .... the question is ... will i ?


Beatrice said…
wats up?please post something new soon..u have no idea how many times i ve read this
c ya

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